amazing Jorge Bucay

Why are you asking me what you should do, if in the end you’re going to do what you want to do?
So that I can know what it is that I want.

Jorge BucayJorge Bucay, world renowned therapist and author, amazed us once again a few weeks ago, in his interview with Alejandro Fantino on Animales Sueltos, an Argentinean television show. In the more than one hour conversation, they covered a wide range of topics, such as love, freedom, happiness, raising children; always in Jorge Bucay’s unique, insightful and direct way, through humor and story-telling. In this article I would like to present some of my favorite points of the interview.

Freedom is your ability to choose, about yourself, about your present, about your destiny, about your plans, about your perception of things.
Libertad es tu capacidad de elegir, sobre vos, sobre tu presente, sobre tu destino, sobre tu proyecto, sobre tus ideas de las cosas.
Freedom, for Jorge Bucay, is a condition for love.
If I try to restrain your freedom because I love you and I’m afraid of losing you, my love is a third-rate love.

Love is the decision to work actively for the other person’s freedom, so that he or she can choose what to do with his or her life, even if that doesn’t include me.
El amor es la decisión de trabajar activamente por la libertad de la otra persona para que pueda elegir que hacer con su vida, aunque no me incluya.

When asked whether happiness is the path or the destination, Jorge Bucay replied that it is neither. For him,
Happiness is the way to walk the path of life; it’s the serenity of knowing that you are not lost.
Happiness is the tranquility one feels when having the certainty of being on the path one has chosen.
La felicidad es la tranquilidad que se siente cuando uno tiene la certeza de estar en el camino que uno eligió.
Unlike the common misunderstanding, continues Bucay, happiness is different from joy.

Joy can be found in specific moments, while happiness can be a continuous state of being.

How should we raise our children in this constantly changing world? asked Fantino. While it is unavoidable to use the “manual” handed down to us by our parents, we should always make the necessary corrections along the way, says Bucay. Parents nowadays teach their children that they can question things, that parents don’t always know it all and that they are not infallible. This will lead to men and women more autonomous and responsible for their own lives and will end the story that it’s the parents that always have the fault for everything that is wrong with us.
It is rebellion that will save the children, la rebeldía va a salvar a los hijos. The worst thing is an obedient child that never rebels, who questions nothing, has no creative ability, and only does what you tell him to do. Rebellion is looking for your own identity.

I would ask my father what to do, says Bucay, and my father would say:
Why are you asking me what you should do, if in the end you’re going to do what you want to do?
So that I can know what it is that I want.

Spanish speakers can find below the link to the entire interview. For those not speaking Spanish and yet interested in Bucay’s work, I would suggest you pick up any one of his books. It’s really worth it.

More on Jorge Bucay on his facebook page:
Or on the website:

Through these links you can find my previous articles on these topics: love, freedom and happiness.


by Melina Stefanidou

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